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This should be a self-evident truth: When you put effort into having an attractive, well-designed profile that accurately reflects who you are, you get more contacts from people that you are attracted to – and this increases your enjoyment of online dating as well as your chances of finding your partner(s). And definitely never intentional or calculating about anything to do with your love life.

But even if this is as obvious as it seems to me, many people feel self-conscious or deceptive about putting effort into creating a good profile (and heaven forbid that you spend ACTUAL MONEY to do so). For straight men, I think it’s more related to the constant pressure from other men to not try too hard to be attractive to women in ways that require significant work, thereby lowering the standards for all straight men (think of this as “dating on the curve” for straight men). I’m here to give you permission to create the best profile you can, and damn the self-consciousness!

The platforms I used were Ok Cupid and Bumble, so you will have to translate to your favorite online dating platform.

I’m not including any safety-related tips because more than enough of that kind of advice already exists for straight women.

So I decided to spend some time trying to make the process of dating itself more fun. TL; DR for the impatient: Pay for professional photos, put a lot of effort into your profile, pay for extra features, only go on dates you will enjoy even if it turns out you’re not attracted to the other person, be picky, reject people quickly, never give reasons for rejections, don’t think about people who reject you, reframe bad experiences as great stories to tell your friends, pay attention to red flags, use helpful tools, try the new dating app Bumble if you are a straight feminist man or woman.

The full-length version is pretty long, so I split the tips into the following categories: Disclaimers: This isn’t a “10 tips for getting a great partner, like I did!


(My advice on finding a therapist: search on Psychology Today’s therapist directory, make appointments with three therapists who mention CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), and go with the one that seems pleasant but professionally distant.) Most online dating starts out with looking at each other’s profiles.This free dating site provides you with all those features which make searching and browsing as easy as you've always wished for.


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